Thanks Donny

I’d like to take a moment, now that we’re a couple solid weeks into the Trump shit-show presidency, to express my gratitude to Mr. Trump.

You see, back in my school years I’d always taken my teachers at their word when they told the class how good we had it here in the grand old U S of A. I never actually thought much about what that meant until I was older and had a little life experience under my belt. But now that we’ve got our very own brand of fascism growing right here at home – like a black mold infestation you didn’t know about until it clogged your pipes and started crawling out of your sink and up your walls – I’m really beginning to understand what they meant.

So I’d like to thank Mr. Trump and his cronies/string pullers (ahem, Bannon) for taking the time out of their very busy schedules (presumably where they sit around in the most thickly-moneyed, racist, angry old white man circle jerk to ever grace the planet) to show me what it’s like to watch everything your country was supposed to stand for get squeegeed away like the leavings of their aforementioned “self congratulation parties.”

Thanks for making it so clear to me that no rules or decorum, nor iota of decency or moral compass, or even the tiniest mote of empathetic feeling, makes any difference in how this nation is run so long as the people in charge fucking get their dollar bills yo.

Thanks for making it crystal clear, with your Goldman Sachs appointees and your Dodd Frank neutering executive orders, exactly what and who matters to you.

Thanks for putting your bigotry and racism on full display with your inanely constructed attempt at banning Muslims from entering the country, unless of course they’re from nations where you have business dealings. See above point. Money before bigotry, I guess.

Thanks for all your stupid tweets, may they live forever. I really fucking hope someone is taking them all down for the eventual annotated history of your flawed presidency, that way when future generations look at what you did they can read your insane ramblings along with it to better gauge the full scope of your psychosis. I wonder if any text books will be written about your particular brand of mental illness? (Get help. Seriously.)

Finally, thanks for showing America who we really are. Despite all your egotistical lies, your pandering to foreign adversaries, your complete and total lack of comprehension of what it means to be an american citizen, you’ve brought people together in marches and protests against your dumb ass in a way that is unheard of for a new president. You’re really winning at being the least popular ever!  Good job on that.